So, flying from LA to Phoenix there was a 5 year old behind me. I was in the window seat, the middle was empty and DH was on the aisle. The kid's mom was in the middle and someone else was on the aisle.

I'm thinking, it's only an hour, it won't be a problem. WRONG.

For those of you lucky enough to have never flown out of LAX, take-off is over the water. That kept the kid occupied for about 10 minutes, then....

To find out the rest, read the extended entry.... KICK

KICK KICK KICK....

"Honey, don't do that, it's not nice"

KICK KICK KICK

"No. Don't do that."

KICK. "I have to go potty!!!!"

"Wait 'til we can get up and then Daddy will take you"

"NOOOOOOO!" KICK KICK

(I am livid at this point and glowering at the woman EVERY time the kid kicks me.... You'd think she'd get the point....)

So then the seat belt light goes off, and the kid runs to the bathroom before Dad can get out of his seat behind Mom.

5 minutes of blessed relief.

He returns in time for the flight attendant to get their drink order, to which he responds "MILK!"

"we don't have milk"

"CHOCOLATE MILK!"

"we don't have that either"

"MILK!"

(the Mom) "you can have sprite, soda, juice, or water. what do you want?"

"MILK!"

"No, you can't have that. What do you want?"

"don't know..."

at this point Mom tells the FA to come back later. Evevtually the kid still can't make up his mind and mom gets him a Ginger Ale. 5 more minutes of peace, then....

KICK KICK KICK.

"Honey, I told you not to bother the lady"

KICK KICK KICK

"the lady doesn't want to be kicked"

"YES SHE DOES!" KICK KICK

"No, she doesn't!!" my husband replied.

The mom then told the kid he was going to get his butt blistered if he didn't stop.

Yeah, right.

A couple of minutes later the plane did a quick drop through an air pocket, so I leaned back in the seat. I had my hair up in a bun and the kid reached up and grabbed it!!!!

Mom says "Don't touch the lady's hair"

!!!!!

At this point, I decide to stay hunched forward.

About this time we begin our final approach into Phoenix. As we swing wide around the city, the Mom starts pointing out landmarks to the rest of the family (evidently they live there). 5-year old decides Mom really wants to look out the window, so he shuts the shade....

"open that up" She opens it.

NOOOOOO I want it CLOSED. Bang.

OPEN IT! Slides up the shade.

NOOOOOO. BANG!

Mommy wants to see. Up goes the shade

I don't wanna see. BANG!

I SAID OPEN THE SHADE!

NOOOOO. The light hurts my eyes. KICK KICK

Well, open it a little way, Mommy wants to see.

OK. Opens it exactly. 1.5 inches. IT'S TOO BRIGHT!!! BANG.

Then he says.... "Tell everyone else to close their windows too." to which she replies: "I can't, I'm not the boss of them". He says "I am". She says "You are not. Now, open the window so Mommy can see."

NOOOOO. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!! KICK KICK KICK

"Do you want me to pull down your pants and blister your bottom in front of everyone?"

"HAHAHA"

"You're going to sit with Daddy next time" (I'm thinking, why couldn't he sit with Dad NOW and kick his brother instead of ME???)

Then begins the war of the window in earnest.....
SLIDE. BANG. SLIDE. BANG. MOMMY WANTS IT OPEN. IT HURTS MY EYES. I'M GONNA SPANK YOU. SLIDE. BANG. SLIDE. BANG. KICK. KICK.

Finally, the plane lands. As we're taxi-ing up to the terminal, I hear "Mommy, I want to go potty".

"No, you have to sit in your seat until we get to the building. Then you can go once we get in the building"

"Can't I just use the plane potty?"

"no, people need to get off the plane to go other places. This plane needs to get empty so people can go somewhere else. You'd just hold them up."

"BUT I HAVE TO GO"

"You can go in the terminal!"

Finally, the mom won. He did indeed go potty in the terminal

My reward for sitting through this? The gate for our flight to Raleigh was right across from the one we arrived at. The last I saw, Mom was telling 5-year old that next time he was going to sit with Daddy.

Yeah, right.

Posted by: caltechgirl at 08:13 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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