Why God never received a PhD:

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
17. No record of working well with colleagues.

h/t Lisa

Posted by: caltechgirl at 08:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Seems Old Dan has finally gotten the boot at CBS....

CBS executives have decided there is no future role at the network for Dan Rather, making it certain that the man who sat in the anchor chair for 24 years will depart by this fall.

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1 na na na na na na na na hey hey hey goodbye

Posted by: Jane at June 15, 2006 11:25 AM (wZLWV)

2 I sense KKKarl Rove's fine Italian hand in this...

Posted by: Cassandra at June 15, 2006 12:05 PM (eKdAq)

3 Good.

Posted by: Richmond at June 15, 2006 01:41 PM (e8QFP)

4 Oh that is fantastic. Woo hoo!

Posted by: annika at June 15, 2006 09:17 PM (fxTDF)

5 What's the frequency, Kenneth??!

Posted by: Paul Burgess at June 16, 2006 04:18 AM (7EVyU)

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Way too many links to Klingon Language Sites from Harvey.

* Bij is the Klingon word for pain

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So yesterday was a BP day for me.  As in HIGH BP.

-- Talking about this bullsh*t

--F*cking Dodger game next Friday is sold out in 2 days

--F*cking Hurricanes lose in OT

--Goddamn pissy bastard at Wal-Mart trying to tell me that the garden center is closed 45 seconds after the storewide announcement: "The Garden Center will be closing in 5 minutes."(presumably at 9pm)   THEN he shows me his watch and says, "See??  It's 9:01".  My response: "That's not my problem.  Get the person who makes the PA announcements to set her clock forward".  His manager told him to ring me up and the 3 ladies behind me who also wanted to leave from the garden center.  His response?  "But I never got my break".  Whiny asshole.

--I had this dream last night where something happened, and DH knew what it was, but I was prevented from seeing it by him (not a bad thing, though), and no one would tell me what was going on.  I kept asking, and no one would answer me.  The last thing I remember is punching Ben in the face repeatedly for smirking, talking to other people, and not answering me.  I also remember considering jumping up on the coffee table and firing a gun into the ceiling to get people's attention.  Then I woke up with fists clenched and really pissed off.  Ask my DH.  He thought I was gonna punch him.

Moral of the story?  Don't F*ck with Wendy Testaburger.

Posted by: caltechgirl at 09:54 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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To the coolest dude I know:

The one who taught me to swing a hammer, drive, hit a baseball, barbecue,  properly prune a rosebush, mow the lawn, diagnose a troublesome noise in the car, always use Yellow Power Bait, and vote Republican.

And also the one who taught me to be considerate of others, gracious in accepting gifts, respectful of my elders, to love my God and my country, see the best in other people, love my family and friends fiercely, and always do my best.

Not to mention to have fun, be careful and ALWAYS hold on tight.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Posted by: caltechgirl at 12:39 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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1 Happy Birthday to the man who gave us Caltechgirl! Many many happy returns!

Posted by: LindaSoG at June 14, 2006 12:49 PM (j8/91)

2 Wonderful, loving, and strong dads are too few and far between these days - I am so glad that my friend is blessed with one, too! Happy Birthday, CalTech Dad - may God richly bless you this day, and may He bring many happy returns of the day as well. -- R'cat www.CatHouseChat.com

Posted by: Romeocat at June 14, 2006 12:49 PM (mG2WN)

3 Happy Birthday, CalTechDad!!! You sure are a good dad, because your daughter is so smart and funny and just an all around great person! Cheers, Beth

Posted by: Beth at June 14, 2006 12:52 PM (W67QT)

4 Happy Birthday! Thats a great lady you've raised and I'm proud to call her my friend. Good job. Best Wishes and Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Jane at June 14, 2006 12:57 PM (wZLWV)

5 Happy Birthday CTGDad!! A father is the most important man in a girls life. He has more influence and offers more inspiration than any other man. Thank you for doing such a GREAT job with your wonderful daughter! She is a great blog sister. Raven

Posted by: Raven at June 14, 2006 12:57 PM (4cuJf)

6 Happy Birthday, CalTechDad Thanks for raising such a wonderful lady. Hope your birthday brings you everything you could ask for.

Posted by: Cassandra at June 14, 2006 12:59 PM (eKdAq)

7 Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday, Dear CalTechDad.... My hat's off to you! Thanks for giving the world a great daughter and I hope your day is extra spectacular!!!

Posted by: Merri at June 14, 2006 01:28 PM (/qy9A)

8 Happy birthday wishes from me as well!

Posted by: Richmond at June 14, 2006 02:24 PM (e8QFP)

9 Happy birthday CTD! You done good. (Talk about a typo. The d is right beside the f... Luckily I caught it.)

Posted by: Jay at June 14, 2006 03:11 PM (WPti7)

10 Happy Birthday and many, many more. Tons more in fact. CalTech is the greatest so of course her Dad has to be too. Have a wonderful Birthday.

Posted by: Wild Thing at June 14, 2006 03:59 PM (tj1zH)

11 Happy Birthday, CTG's dad

Posted by: Ith at June 14, 2006 04:02 PM (nzoL6)

12 Happy Birthday to CalTechDad. Hope you have lots of fun and great presents on your birthday.

Posted by: vw bug at June 14, 2006 05:16 PM (WuOFL)

13 Happy Birthday to your dad, and may he have many more happy and healthy years ahead of him.

Posted by: Amanda at June 14, 2006 05:31 PM (Ztxw3)

14 Happy birthday dad!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at June 14, 2006 06:05 PM (0Pi1o)

15 Happy CalTechDad!! You done good!!! ;-)

Posted by: Marie at June 15, 2006 05:31 AM (dswo0)

16 Ack! I'm late! Happy Birthday CaltechDad! Did he have one of those bumper stickers on his car that read, "My daughter and my money go to Cal Tech"? ;-)

Posted by: Bou at June 15, 2006 08:52 AM (iHxT3)

17 Oops! I'm late as usual, what did you expect from a bombshell blogger??? Happy Birthday to you blogger Dad! You have to have lived an awesome life because you raised one awesome kid. Be proud of her - she rocks!!!!

Posted by: Janette at June 15, 2006 08:54 PM (OcgcA)

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The Hurricanes could win it all tonight, and drink from Lord Stanley's cup!

At home.  In the best arena in the NHL, in front of the best fans in the league.

Ok, I'm a little biased, but the truth of the matter is that every game night, 18,000 southerners fill an arena built on what used to be a cow pasture in the middle of nowhere to watch hockey.  On ice.  A sport that would otherwise be anathema to them.

Let's go 'Canes!

Posted by: caltechgirl at 11:47 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 I'm sad that the Oilers probably won't win. I'll have to take solace 11 of the Carolina boys are from Canada...

Posted by: Lisa W. at June 14, 2006 12:28 PM (4fWxq)

2 I just wish I would have been able to watch more than one game of the finals. Apparently I don't have the Bicycle Channel (or whatever it's called).

Posted by: KG at June 14, 2006 05:27 PM (hyH5v)

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Yesterday actually ended up pretty good.  I got some business taken care of, I had a good meeting with my boss, traffic was decent, and I got new seat covers for my car.

Any of you with leather seats (not by my choice, this was the car they had on the lot with the other features I wanted) will understand that summer + leather seats = ouch.  The old sheepskin seat cover had seen better days, so we went to Target last night and replaced it.  Yay!

Then my hubby took me out to dinner   What a nice guy.

Posted by: caltechgirl at 10:46 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Where did handsome take us? ; ) Glad you had a good day.

Posted by: Christina at June 14, 2006 11:27 AM (fvP3J)

2 mmmmmmmDinner

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at June 14, 2006 11:54 AM (MWyhW)

3 I hate my leather seats in the cold, too. But, like your car, it was what I could afford and was available at the lot. :-)

Posted by: Princess Jami at June 16, 2006 06:38 AM (0gPLe)

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Two headlines, same story:

1) "Bush May Meet Vow To Halve The Deficit Three Years Early" --Investors Business Daily

2) "Bush Deficit Reduction Plan Falls Off-Schedule." -- Guess who (acc. to Insty, but I can't find the headline anywhere on their site anymore)

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Most of you probably have seen this story about the ring tone that supposedly only teens can hear.

It's an ultra-high frequency tone, around 17-18 kHz, and most adults lose the ability to distinguish such tones as we age and the hair cells in our inner ears are damaged, either from getting older, or excess exposure to loud noises, including music.  Teens, however, should be able to hear it just fine...

As can most dogs and cats....

Anyway, Steve-O has the link here.  Turn up the volume and click the player.  I can hear it just fine, thanks, as annoying as it is.

Trust me, any of the little f*ckers show up in my class with that, I will own their cell phone for the rest of the day.

Posted by: caltechgirl at 02:46 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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A holiday that will never be...

Suck it, conspiracy moonbats, Rove didn't break the law, and hence WILL NOT BE CHARGED in the CIA leak case.

Why on earth would the President want to bury good news about Rove under his trip to Baghdad?


The day just keeps getting better.

Posted by: caltechgirl at 02:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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About the ladies of the Cotillion!

Check out 30 things about each of these brilliant ladies, as compiled by Cassandra

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I woke up to hear that dookie Golden Boy and probably 1st-round NBA pick JJ Redick was busted for DWI (that's driving while impaired for all you non- Tar Heels) at 1am last night.  Evidently Mr. Smartypants thought he could make an illegal U-turn to avoid a DUI checkpoint.  Yeah, nothing like calling attention to yourself, right, Star-Boy?

Then, I got to work, checked the news and heard that President Ballsy Bush made a surprise trip to Baghdad, where he visited briefly with troops in the Green Zone and met with the new Iraqi cabinet.

Also, we're having a potluck for lunch and I have a long meeting that gets me out of sitting in my office.  Yay!

Posted by: caltechgirl at 09:30 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 It doesn't bother me at all. Well, other than he doesn't need to be driving when he's been drinking. He might get into a wreck and ruin that beautiful face! I've never held him up as some paragon of virtue like some other fans have. I mean, just Google his name under "Images" and on the first page is a picture of him with a beer. Good God, he's 22 years old. How many mistakes did we make when we were 22? He'll be fine. MUCH TO YOUR CHAGRIN!

Posted by: Lisa at June 13, 2006 10:08 AM (Vq/iI)

2 Ok, I just added you to my Favorites, and I had to change that stupid icon! Grrrrrr!

Posted by: Lisa at June 13, 2006 10:10 AM (Vq/iI)

3 POT-luck, huh? I didn't know that about you. Interesting... JOKING, just JOKING! Enjoy your meeting. ; )

Posted by: Chrissy at June 13, 2006 10:57 AM (FaCaW)

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After the recent rash of local bear-in-swimming-pool stories, I bet some people would be happy to have Jack the Tabby around:

A black bear got more than it bargained for after straying into a family garden in the US state of New Jersey.

The unwelcome intruder was forced up a tree - twice - by the family pet, a tabby cat called Jack.

The terrified bear was only able to make its escape when owner Donna Dickey called the hissing cat into the house.

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Big Ben Roethlisberger, Super Bowl winning QB with the Pittsburgh Steelers (and 24 year old hot head) was in a serious motorcycle crash this morning.

Dumbass was not wearing a helmet, which is LEGAL in Pennsylvania.

Late reports say he has serious head injuries, including a concussion, facial lacerations, missing teeth and a broken nose, cheek, and jaw.  He may also have knee injuries.  Kellen Winslow, Jr. Jr., anyone?

Evidently he flew over the handlebars of his fancy little crotch-rocket into the front of an oncoming Chrysler New Yorker.

The accident happened not long after Roethlisberger gave an interview to Tony Bruno and Mark Willard on their syndicated sports talk show, which I was listening to this morning.  It was kind of a shock to hear the same voice who joked with Ben at 6am announce his accident 2 hours later.

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According to news reports, Zarqawi lived 52 minutes after the bombing.

So I'm wondering, what were the commercials like?  And what took him so long to croak?

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... and the first hurricane warning of the season:

An oldie but a goodie, the Piper-Kitty Scale

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Much buzz in the b'sphere over whether or not Zarqawi may have been "assaulted" by US troops when they recovered his still-smoking, almost-dead carcass.

To paraphrase Bob Uecker's classic line from Major League, "Who gives a sh*t?  [he]'s gone."

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The ABC News' blog The Blotter has a very interesting piece on the man who turned in Zarqawi... And they're getting slammed by the readers for it. 280 comments and counting.

This is EXACTLY why your ratings are going down, you opportunistic slugs.

h/t LGF

Posted by: caltechgirl at 11:37 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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For this week's Cotillion, some of your favorite conservative ladies will tell you a little about themselves:

1. What time did you get up this morning?  8:30 AM
2. Diamonds or pearls?  Both, dahlink.  Diamond ring and bracelet, pearl necklace and earrings
3. What was the last film you saw at the movie house? The Chronicles of Narnia
4. What is your favorite TV show?
Currently on? House, Ever? The Pretender
5. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing yet.  Probably will have some cold pizza, though.
6. What is your middle name?  Bitch
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Armenian
8. What foods do you dislike? Brussel Sprouts, Olives, Canned Tuna, Sweet Pickles, Anchovies
9. What kind of car do you drive? a Ford Escape
10. Favorite Sandwich? Monte Cristo, no powdered sugar
11. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance
12. Favorite item of clothing? My jeans!
13. If you could go anywhere in the world for a holiday where would you go? New Zealand
14. What color is your bathroom? White and blue, with Winnie the Pooh accents
15. Favorite brand of clothing? Any brand that fits.
16. Where would you like to retire? California's Central Coast
17. Favorite time of the day? Evening
18. What was your most memorable birthday? My 17th.  My friends threw me a surprise party.
19. Where were you born? Fresno, CA
20. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey and Football
21. What are you wearing right now? Jammies
22. What star sign are you? Scorpio
23. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide with Bleach
24. Pepsi or Coke? Dr. Pepper
25. Are you a morning person or a night owl? NIGHT OWL. What is this morning of which you speak?
26. What is your shoe size? 9.5 wide
27. Do you have any pets? The Princess
28. Any new exciting news you\'d like to share with your readers? I have a cold.
29. What did you want to be when you were little? a Radiologist.
30. What are you meant to be doing today? Working. I took a sick day.

For more about me, see my Eleventy-One things about me page here.

Posted by: caltechgirl at 10:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Hope you're feeling better soon, CTgirl...I'm taking a couple days next week; my back is in rough shape!

Posted by: Lisa W. at June 09, 2006 11:13 AM (4fWxq)

2 feel better

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at June 09, 2006 12:26 PM (yHahS)

3 Dr Pepper?! You're dead to me. ;-) (Seriously, though, get well soon.)

Posted by: Dave J at June 10, 2006 09:29 AM (dR46A)

4 And I loooooove your middle name... heh.

Posted by: Richmond at June 14, 2006 02:33 PM (e8QFP)

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So, here are some more funny kitties!

h/t Rosemary

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