March 28, 2006
Marriage-- For Whites Only?
Much has been made of the
Joy Jones article in yesterday's Washington Post regarding the attitudes of young blacks towards marriage.
The best (bar none) commentary on this article I have seen is
this piece by LaShawn Barber. I'm not always in agreement with LaShawn, but in this case she hits the nail squarely on the head. She says, in part:
"In my admittedly biased, unscientific observations, it appears that black boys are not being socialized to marry and take care of families, and black girls are not being socialized to accept nothing less than an honorable man who will marry and care for them. Generally speaking, boys are not being groomed to be husbands and breadwinners, and girls are not being groomed to keep their legs closed until marriage.
Why are these things so, and why is “black marriage†in such a dismal state? I believe the reasons boil down to two factions: fatherless homes and the weakening of the social stigma against illegitimacy."
There's a lot more, so
do go
read the rest. I'll wait here, I promise.
As an educator in a university that was founded specifically to train minority students in the sciences, these attitudes in the Black community are critical to what I do everyday. It's hard to combat the idea that a college education and a stable family aren't things that are for whites only. It's hard to get a kid whose brother is in jail to believe that he or she can get into med school. The kids (anecdotally) who end up making the decision to commit to college and be successful are more likely to be the ones that have a stronger base at home, either Mom and Dad, or parent and step-parent.
Furthermore, I find it ironic that this attitude reflects a self-imposed social segregation. Many have written, and eloquently, about the re-segregation of the Black community, from the suburbs back to the urban ghettoes, and the embracing of ghetto culture as something unimpeachably "
Ours". In this mentality, wealth, education, and social well-being are disregarded as anathema to one's ethnic identity. All under the guise of "
keeping it real".
Since when is caring for your children, earning enough money to provide for them properly, and encouraging them to get an education NOT "real". Or is "real" just another word for "victim"?
Which brings me to my own question about this article. I get the sense that this attitude is a reflection of the broader feeling that Black=Victim (and, as a corollary, White=Abuser). Why is it so important for the Black community to be the victim? Is that the only identity that they can cling to? Let's look at the evidence (using generalities here): Black communities come together in poor urban centers, they shun education and professional attitudes (see "
uncle toms" and "oreos", the NBA Dress Code debacle, or Chris Rock's "Master's" skit), and now apparently devalue marriage and co-parenting.
Maybe the reason that marriage "isn't" for Blacks is that anything that "builds up" a family is incompatible with the community mentality.
I'm sure that I'm going to get a lot of sh*t from Black folks on this. Yes, I am a white girl talking about Black culture. But I
work in this community. I
teach in this community. And I see how the choices that people make impact their children's lives and choices. The real issue shouldn't be who's asking the question, but rather how do we go about answering the problems.
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You know what, white girl, it doesn't matter that you work and teach in the community. You aren't the community and you have no license to discourse about something that your priveleged white background has protected you from all of your life.
First of all, black people and white people have never been on a level playing field and when economics are the basis for male self worth as out society dictates, black men are not going to feel confident stepping up and marrying the way white men do. And when you live in a society that glorifies white women as a symbol of beauty, where images of beautiful, smart, strong black women such as myself are absent from every form of media, black children, particularly black girls will not develop the same level of self esteem or acceptance that white women have, undeservedly at that.
I am a strong, educated, upper middle class black woman. I have a degree from Carnegie Mellon University. I work for one of the best educational non-profit programs in the country, I have at least $45K in savings, I have taught at the best independent schools in this country and I was raised in a two parent household and guess what? I am a single parent.
I was taught to keep my legs closed and to only be sexually intimate with someone I loved, but when I was preyed upon by white men in college who thought I was "exotic", no one prepared me for that experience. And I dare you to look at abortion rates among white women. You holier than thou white women act as though you don't have sex outside of the marriage. The fact of the matter is that you don't value children the way the black women do, but of course, no one is talking about that, are they?
The father of my child is a good man who is trying to make it in this f----ed up society that doesn't value him as both a musician and a black man. You will never live our lives, you will never walk in our shoes and until you examine the undeserved privilege that you have lived all of your damn life, I suggest you shut the hell up and get the hell out of the community you are in because you obviously are a fake, liberal white women with absolutely no respect or regard for the beauty and quality of the people that you are serving.
Posted by: Tara Phillips at March 28, 2006 08:25 PM (vx3lt)
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A fake liberal white woman? ME????? Honey, you obviously didn't take the time to look around, did you?
Ha. And BTW, poor is poor. I had to pull myself up from nowhere too.
Until people LIKE YOU stop making excuses for your community, things won't change.
And so what if I'm white? When you're too close to the problem, sometimes you lose sight of what's really going on.
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 28, 2006 09:12 PM (jOkK0)
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When I was in the lower years in school, long time ago now, I took a taxi home each day (Ah, government subsidies...). One of the passangers had to be the victim. He just knew no other roll to play. The first words I heard him say were "Dont say Merc, it annoys me." (He had a learning disability of some type). There followed much Mercing over the next few days and much scraming from him, until the passangers became bored. Then he would just remind he what he doesn't like or hint, apparently randomly, "Dont pull my tie."
The victim is a clear role. Victims know what is expected of them. They have a clear 'enemy' to dislike and to blame for all their problems. They can appeal for the sympathy of others.
Just look at the Evangelical christians - how many of those believe there is some form of vast secular conspiracy, probably headed by the ACLU, to outlaw all christian worship?
Posted by: Suricou_Raven at March 28, 2006 11:55 PM (45BLI)
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This is the best sentence of the entire comment:
"The father of my child is a good man who is trying to make it in this f----ed up society that doesn't value him as both a musician and a black man."
First, white musicians -- all of them -- are valued by society, they're all millionaires; they never sleep in the backs of their vans parked in the lot behind the dive that booked their latest gig. Second, this is an old, circular argument. It goes like this: White people oppress black people. Because they are the victims of racism, black people may talk about racism in our society. White people, even though they allegedly perpetrate that very racism, may not discuss the racism because they are not the victims.
But who's being racist?
You know what, white girl, it doesn't matter that you work and teach in the community. You aren't the community and you have no license to discourse about something that your priveleged white background has protected you from all of your life.
First of all, black people and white people have never been on a level playing field and when economics are the basis for male self worth as out society dictates, black men are not going to feel confident stepping up and marrying the way white men do. And when you live in a society that glorifies white women as a symbol of beauty, where images of beautiful, smart, strong black women such as myself are absent from every form of media, black children, particularly black girls will not develop the same level of self esteem or
acceptance that white women have, undeservedly at that.
Posted by: Cardinal Martini at March 28, 2006 11:57 PM (CC73i)
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I love a good argument!
Okay- first off- NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING matters except family. And when I say family, I mean a close-knit family, one where the parents teach the children about being a good person, love, having goals, how to achieve those goals, etc.
It doesn't matter if you are black, white, purple or green.
In a home where family members extoll the degradation of ANY race is not a good home. I don't care if that be a comment about 'honky's,' 'nigger's,' 'wetbacks,' or any other slur in the form of a joke- or if it is a complaint about how one race is looked 'down upon' by another. If words or statements of that nature are what the children hear growing up- what do you think that child will grow up learning?
No- this world is not fair. It has never been and it will never be. Accept that. Teach your child (and any child you have contact with) how to accept the world AND the different people in it- teach them they don't have to like what other people like because everyone is different- teach them that there are assholes in the world, but they don't have to be one, and to understand that anyone that makes demeaning statements about any race is ignorant. But that they [the child] shouldn't hold it against someone because in doing so, they will taint themself with the poison of the ignorant.
Playing the victim is easier than rising above it. Your life depends on the choices YOU make. An ignorant racist is an obstacle everyone must overcome, not just the race being degraded.
ANYONE can be racist. Making a remark about someone because they are white/black/blue IS BEING RACIST. If someone lives and works in a community, they are PART of that community- their skin color doesn't matter.
Calling attention to your race, statements degrading another race, getting angry at someone not for what they said, but because they said it and they aren't the same race as you....it's all racism. And everyone loses.
"People don't know no better. When they know better, they do better."
Maya Angelou
Posted by: Rave at March 29, 2006 08:39 AM (Fir0Z)
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"marriage is for white people"? Is that possibly code for marriage is for successful people? how would a kid know what is success and what attains to successful people? he's a kid! he has no psychic background, among other things. my golly! how things spiraled upward from a remark by a kid! from where I am, I have seen an awful lot of kids from miserable backgrounds (insufficient food, clothing, nurturing, etc.) make it good and make it big no matter what their ethnicity. the human spirit blooms perenially evergreen.
Posted by: mageen at March 30, 2006 01:05 PM (wZLWV)
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As a white girl who was born in the projects and no family to really speak of and lots of other myriad strikes against me, I hate the whole divide and war and whatever it's called. I was recently in upper management in a company where I supervised an African-American girl who refused to apply herself and cry "pity me" when handed an assignment.
The CEO (also her aunt and who hired her based not on ability but on bloodline and potential) used to bitch at me to be more lenient with her because she didn't grow up "with the opportunities (I) had."
Um, the girl? Wore Jones New York suits every day and had a very well-off mother who bailed her out all the time. And she went to way better schools than me. It was just clear which one of us had maximized our education and applied ourselves. And that's not a racial thing -- I'd be disappointed in anybody who didn't maximize whatever opportunities they either earned or were handed.
I have no business and no knowledge of the marriage situation and how people are conditioned. But as a supervisor in a unique situation, I know I struggled a lot with how much I was able to expect from my employee and how much of a headache I would get in response to delegating work she clearly wasn't interested in doing to help the department while cultivating/honing a skill set for herself.
Posted by: dawn at April 01, 2006 05:02 PM (D+5+4)
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March 20, 2006
Every once in a while...
you people crack me up. Evidently I'm #1 on MSN for
this.
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Um... Well, be proud of your accomplishment... I think.
Posted by: jason at March 20, 2006 12:12 PM (oWgwi)
Posted by: GUYK at March 21, 2006 11:11 AM (iAhlK)
Posted by: DE644 at March 21, 2006 12:44 PM (/C3Pw)
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March 17, 2006
Truth or Consequences? Neither.
This has been brewing in my head over the last week.
I've been thinking about personal responsibility. Three stories this week have brought it to the fore.
It's long, so the body is in the extended....
more...
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My experience as a parent is that it easier and harder than you think. (It's harder because you don't get a lot of breaks - it's easier because common sense usually is a good guide).
Anyway - taking responsibility is one of the keys to success in life.
Specifically:
"Unschooling" is clearly a perfect way to train your kids for all those
great jobs that don't require a high school education.
I would strongly encourage my daughters to carry her child if she ever got pregnant - but should she make the decision, I would hope she wouldn't be forced to seek an abortion outside of a trained professional.
Lastly, after reminding my kids I don't expect them to live at home after graduating high school, I like to tell them "You usually find a lot of hard work between being capable and being accomplished."
Have a good and carefully responsible weekend.
Posted by: Super G at March 17, 2006 02:24 PM (EeQUM)
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You are absolutly correct. Home schooling is a good ption for may parents who themselves are capable of accepting the responsibility for educating their children. But without a planned educational objective home schooling is about as worthless as many public education programs who appear to have only the objective of teaching self esteem and forget about the three Rs.
Part of education is learning self discipline. Do you know why the military requires a college degree for commissioned officers? It has little to do with the degree itself but is is an indication that the individual had the self discipline to complete something that was started. The same with a high school diploma.
There was a time when a high school diploma meant that the employee had more self discipline than a non grad plus there was a much better chance the grad was literate. Not anymore-when ones hires one just has to trust instinct because dipplomas-even college degrees- don't tell you very much.
Posted by: GUYK at March 18, 2006 03:32 AM (iAhlK)
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I agree that today's society has a serious lack of responsibility. I have two children that accepts responsibility and does well in school. I have a third child that tries everything he can to avoid or deny responsibility.
There are many circumstances in which outsiders look at a misbehaving child/student and all is blamed on the parents. Obviously, they (the parents) must be to blame for the child's behavior because if they were doing their job, the child/student wouldn't behave that way.
It's a load of crock! The child's own personality has a lot to do with how they behave. I am not saying the parents are exempt. What I am saying is that parents (like my husband and I) do what they can to teach their children what they need to become productive people in society. But in the end, it is still up to the child/student.
Quit taking responsibility away from the child. A parent can only teach, it's up the the child to learn.
And home-schooling is not a bad thing. I do not home-school, but have many friends that do. If I had the time, I would home-school my children. Today's educational system is 'out-come' based education. Everyone goes in and comes out with the same information. Exceptional or gifted students does the same work as the 'normal' students. This in itself is a great injustice. I have two children that are both gifted. They may take advanced classes, but it's not something that younger students won't take eventually. Gifted students just take it earlier.
Out-come based. Everyone learns the same thing. Phooey!
One of my friends who home-schooled her children, her oldest child won a scholarship to a prestigious university, and graduated with honors from that university. Home-schooling DOES have standardized plans. It's just the order in which you teach them, as well as what 'electives' you wish to teach. They also have field trips and such. Just like to typical public school. Home-schooled children have interaction with other home-schoolers.
True, they may not get as much interaction as a student in public school, but they also do not get the bullying etc. Home-schoolers, in my opinion, get a better education, so long as the parent teaches it.
The bottom line is this;
No matter if you home-school or public school- it's still up to the parents to motivate and teach their child life's lessons. And it's up to the child/student to do their 'work/job.'
If those two things are not happening simultaneously, you have a lopsided circle.
You have to break the cycle, get out of the catch-22. Knowledge brings power. When people have the knowledge, they have the power to change things.
Posted by: Rave at March 18, 2006 08:38 AM (Fir0Z)
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I would say that there is no magic bullet that will automatically make your kids turn out right.
Their lives can go tragically wrong in a just the short bit of time regardless of what their parents do.
Parents can help them have their best shot.
Knowledge does bring power.
Posted by: Super G at March 18, 2006 07:16 PM (1R6Yk)
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I completely agree that college students today by and large are not motivated, and in the least don't work to their full potential. And clearly their trend toward the mediocre started much earlier than their admission to USC. I complain about some of my dumber professors; and they deserve the criticism. But my disdain for them doesn't negate the fact that I still need to deal with them, and still need to complete the absurd papers and exams they assign to me.
I am continually amazed by the narrow field of knowledge so many of my peers possess. I'll be in classes, and the professor will say something I think is just a basic piece of information about the world. Hitler-Stalin Pact, or Nixon wasn't actually impeached, or this-is-what-we-call-a-pronoun and so on. And the other students will be dumbfounded. They will gasp. Looks of astonishment on their faces. I'd have thought 20-year-olds, who have completed high school, and evidently had decent standardized test scores would have already known this stuff.
There's a website maintained by USC's Student Senate at which students can rate their professors. I was looking through it yesterday while trying to decide which professors' classes I should sign up for in the Fall. One of my potential professors has had some harsh student reviews. Last year, he posted a reply to his critics:
Review posted on 2/23/2005 at 4:25:06 PM by Dan Lynch (the professor)
Course(s) Taken: 305, 333, 384, 444, 525, 534, 563
A few students complain here that it is impossible to get an A in IR 333 (China), or that "if you care about your GPA, don't take this course." Such complaints are completely unfounded. Out of the 55 people who took IR 333 in Fall 2004, 18 ended up with a final course grade of either A or A- (11 A's, 7 A-'s). That's fully 1/3rd of the class. Moreover, the reading load did not average 100 pages per class session, as one person alleges; it averaged 75 pages, which is exactly the College requirement for a 300-level class. True, sometimes the reading was challenging. But I had thought USC students now enter with higher SAT scores than students at UCLA and Berkeley, and would therefore expect some challenge. I guess that's true for 1/3 of the class, at least. I hope it's true for the rest; otherwise, you're not living up to your potential.
Dan Lynch
Ha.
Posted by: Cardinal Martini at March 19, 2006 02:42 PM (mR1K4)
Posted by: Cardinal Martini at March 19, 2006 02:43 PM (mR1K4)
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On-Demand not good enough? Try DIY!
Darleen is a braver woman than I am. She reads the moonbats on a near daily basis. I can't. It's just not good for my blood pressure.
Anyway, Darleen found a How-To guide for home abortion. I won't link it (although Darleen did), because the disregard for basic human safety apparent in that post appalls me. No mention of proper handwashing or sterilization procedures, just a cursory "keep things sterile". Folks, I had to go to a CLASS to learn how to keep things sterile during surgery. Which an abortion is. It's a surgical procedure. The author also recommends mexican antibiotics, and in the comments, when questioned about the safety of black market drugs, laughs it off saying "only oxycontin and things like that are counterfeit" (paraphrase). She even advocates doing this if you've never had medical training and only a cursory knowledge of female anatomy (your own!!).
Hell, a contortionist with a mirror could probably do it to herself.
Surgery done on RODENTS in this country is more closely monitored than what this woman is advocating. I know. I'm certified to do that.
The topic us Cotillion babes are discussing this week is Feminism. I went off on that last week, but this is just another prime example of why I can not support the Feminist movement. If abortion someday becomes illegal, they'll disregard the safety of the woman undergoing the procedure and remove the fetus full speed ahead! It's Feminism come full circle: Not only will I choose to do as I like, with whomever I like, whenever I like, damn the consequences, even at the risk of my own life.
Well, that's what you wanted, right? Full rights? You've got it now, baby. And all the responsibilities that come along with them. Including the ultimate responsibility: your own life.
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If anyone is injured or infected in even the slightest way by following these instructions, she needs to be a facing a lawsuit of monumental proportions. Regardless, I suspect there may well also be grounds to pursue criminal charges against Miss Molly for practicing medicine without a license. And I say all this as someone who'd consider myself at least marginally or ambivalently pro-choice.
Posted by: Dave J at March 17, 2006 08:22 PM (5WofA)
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March 15, 2006
EATAPETA
Today is the 4th annual
International Eat an Animal for PETA day!
YAY! I celebrated earlier with half a leftover meatloaf sandwich for lunch. I'm thinking dinner is going to be bacon-wrapped tenderloin. Gotta get in all the meats you can, right?
To join in the festivities, post about your celebration, tag your post with the EATAPETA technorati tag and sign the frappr!
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Posted by: vw bug at March 15, 2006 02:00 PM (KQ9xr)
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Damn, why didn't anyone mention this ahead of time? We had plain pasta with white sauce for supper. For lunch we had egg salad sandwiches.
The only ways we managed to get any in were Sadie and I getting McDonald's to fill in the time between an early lunch (11 AM) and late supper (8:30 PM). Plus Sadie and I ate a cold leftover cheese filled sausage with our pasta.
I'd have planned!
Posted by: Jay at March 15, 2006 07:19 PM (/05va)
3
we had veal and chicken for dinner.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at March 16, 2006 05:57 AM (yHahS)
4
you know, since veal is the worst thing to eat from peta's perspective. it just seemed appropriate!
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at March 16, 2006 05:58 AM (yHahS)
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March 14, 2006
March 13, 2006
Fisking of the Day
Dan Riehl
takes apart George Clooney:
"The fear of been (sic) criticized can be paralyzing. Just look at the way so many Democrats caved in the run up to the war. In 2003, a lot of us were saying, where is the link between Saddam and bin Laden? What does Iraq have to do with 9/11? We knew it was bullshit. Which is why it drives me crazy to hear all these Democrats saying, "We were misled." It makes me want to shout, "Fuck you, you weren't misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic."
Incorrect. Go back and review the record and speeches, George. We didn't go to war in Iraq as a direct result of 9/11. That's just more of the big lie tactic of the left desperately trying to couch today's political issues in your favor when they are not. We went to war in Iraq to eliminate a growing threat. We accomplished that and are working hard to leave behind a state with some stability and with the adherence to the very values you appear to profess - liberty, freedom and equality. Apparently those values are only good for you and yours, not the Iraqis. Congratulations George, you made it from demagogue to racist in one paragraph."
Me thinks George should stick to polishing his
nobOscar until he gets enough
CSF back in his brain to think straight.
Read it all here.
Reliapundit also aims to set George straight here.
"HEY GEORGE (regarding the Civil Rights Movement and Rosa Parks): a higher percentage of GOP members of Congress voted for the US Civil Rights Act then Democrats did - FACT!"
Now go read the rest, but put down your drink first! (h/t to Vodka Steve for the Reliapundit article)
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Pure Genius
Evil Genius,
that is.
I always said Dubya was smarter than most people give him credit for. Take that Dubai!
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Feingold = Cheesebrain
Ladies and Gentlemen, the
Partisan in his native habitat:
"Congress has to reassert our system of government, and the cleanest and the most efficient way to do that is to censure the president," Feingold said. "And, hopefully, he will acknowledge that he did something wrong."
The Wisconsin Democrat, considered a presidential contender for 2008, said he had not discussed censure with other senators but that, based on criticism leveled at Bush by both Democrats and Republicans, the resolution makes sense.
The president's action were "in the strike zone" in terms of being an impeachable offense, Feingold said. The senator questioned whether impeaching Bush and removing him from office would be good for the country.
In the House, Rep. John Conyers of Michigan, the top Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee, is pushing legislation that would call on the Republican-controlled Congress to determine whether there are grounds for impeachment."
The Moonbats are now officially running the show. I wrote about the groundswell of dipshit moonbat support for censure/impeachment
back in January, when
She-who-will-not-
buy-a-tombstone-for-her-son and friends spoke in Washington about how impeachment
NOW. TODAY. was the only way. Even without a majority in Congress. Even without another election. Moderates in the party have now been declared officially irrelevant.
If I had ever been a Democrat, today I would be ashamed.
On the other hand, if this is the best they've got, they're in trouble.
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